Grannypack

I was watching last Monday night’s Jets debacle with my 13 year old son when he asked, “Hey Dad, why do they wear the granny-packs? 

Granny packs?

“Those things around their waists.  You know, man-purses.”

I gave a closer look and sure enough about half of the Jets offense were wearing granny-packs.  What, I wondered, could possibly be inside?  Extra mouthpieces?  Steroids? 

We noticed that the Patriots players weren’t wearing them.  Had Bill Belichick instituted a strict no granny-pack policy?  Perhaps this is the secret to their dominance.  No distractions.  Focus! 

The other thing I’ve noticed is that every team has at least one lineman who is so large that you wonder where he could possibly find work outside of the NFL or the Los Angeles Clippers.  It’s amazing how big some of them are.  300 pounds is svelte these days.  They move remarkably well for their size.  They are quick, agile, and not to be trifled with.  I can’t help wondering what kind of wear and tear a body that size endures.  It can’t be pretty.

Finally, it must be a rule that every team has to have at least one player with Troy Polamalu hair.  You know what I’m talking about– the long, flowing curly locks billowing out of the helmet.  At first Polamalu was the only guy with that look.  Now even my grandfather has it.  It’s like, remember when Telly Savalas and Yul Brynner were the only completely bald guys you had ever heard of?  These days bald is a look.  Come to think of it, this actually bodes well for me.

Who loves ya, baby?!