The World According to Keitho

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NFL, are you ready for greatness?

Posted by keithosaunders on February 10, 2011

Another Super Bowl is history and we now stagger into the dark period of the sports year when there is nothing to watch but meaningless regular season NBA and NHL games until the opening day of the baseball season comes to the rescue.  This year the doldrums will be a few days shorter owing to MLB having moved their opening day three days earlier than usual to March 31st. 

But I digress.  It was a good, not a great game.  The Packers dominated the first half until Pittsburgh obliged us by putting up a good fight in the second half only to fall short.  Boo hoo — they have enough championships.

What I really want to talk about is the halftime show, which was an abomination.  If the Black Eyed Peas is the best that the NFL can offer then maybe they ought to throw in the towel and go back to using Up With People.  I appreciate that the NFL is making an effort to appeal to a younger demographic, but for gods sake, don’t do it with mediocrity!  Better to trot out old leviathans such as The Who or The Stones.  At least they could rock at one point. (albeit a point that is now decades in the rear view mirror) 

Sending the Black Eyed Peas out to do a halftime show is like asking Pee Wee Herman to play Hamlet.  It’s not in their skill-set.  Fergie?!  Give me a break.  She sounds like my grandma on acid.  What’s more, the one song they do that I would have cared to hear  — My Humps — wasn’t suitable for Middle America.  That’s the song with these catchy lyrics:

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps 

Cole Porter couldn’t have said it better.

Fortunately for the NFL, I am here to solve their halftime problem.  Commishioner Goodell, if you want to hire an A-one class act that is professional, supremely talented, and under-the-radar, do yourself a favor and run, do not walk, to hire Cedar Walton.  There isn’t a better jazz pianist out there.  He’ll sound great, he’ll look marvellous, and best of all he will not embarrass you!  

Not only does Cedar bring excellence to the table, but he will imbue the halftime show with the dignity deserving of such event.  Us middle-aged jazzers will be thrilled to finally see our hero get his due, and the oldtimers will be happy not to have to fiddle with their hearing aids.  The youngsters will also be happy as long as you play up the fact that jazz is the most hated music of all time.  To them, seeing Cedar on the stage will be an enormous ‘fuck you’ to the yuppies that are pining to see the milquetoast bands of their youth. Not seeing Foreigner, Aerosmith, or Madonna on the stage will be worth putting up with ten minutes of hellaciously swinging hardbop.

Furthermore, I guarantee you that Cedar’s price tag will be hundreds of thousands less than The Police would have been.  It’s a win-win situation.  And just think how good those special effects will look to the sounds of Bolivia!   
    

Cedar Walton

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10 Responses to “NFL, are you ready for greatness?”

  1. bkivey said

    Thanks for taking a request! Where’s the tip jar? I thought the Pack was going to turn the game into a laugher(see Niners-Broncos)and you could feel marketing v.p.’s across America cringe as they saw the chances of their ridiculously expensive ads being seen slip away. The Steelers did manage to make a game of it in the second half, but the hole they’d put themselves in during the first half was just too deep.

    I heard the game on the radio and was thus spared the halftime extravaganza. Maybe the league should find a couple of Pop Warner teams and have them ‘play’ a short game during the half, much like the local soccer team does here.

  2. jbiii said

    Keith

    One whole posting of mine with nary a disagreement.

    I am wearing my Red Sox cap already, my wife has her Astros cap out, the football season now behind us and a glorious season of baseball ahead. As I said on my site as I followed the game, I avoided the halftime show studiously.

    Now, if Cedar Walton, or any other jazz key-tickler were to play halftime and introduce millions to the places where music can really go, well hey, maybe baseball teams could get him to play the 7th inning stretch, too! :-).

    49 days.

    • Hey JB,

      Thanks for the countdown. I can’t wait until opening day! When I lived in New York I used to drive by Yankee Stadium on my way to teach in Yonkers. The old stadium had this marquee mounted on the top of the stadium facing out towards the Deegan expressway. After the Holidays they would begin a countdown to pitchers and catchers. Once spring training began they would count down until opening day. I always looked forward to passing the Stadium and seeing the number. For some reason when they built the new Stadium and tore down the old one they did away with the countdown. We’ll have to continue it online.

      I think there’s a post in this. What else can I write about? Hockey? Cap and trade? (kidding!)

  3. jbiii said

    Well, to keep the goodwill only baseball can bring (even to yank and sox fans in either’s stadium), I think the Sox got the best of winter “cap and trade” so to speak.

    Gonzalez and Crawford, Jenks in the pen, and the whole staff healthy.

    Listen here, Dude, if its my Red Sox and your Giants in SF for the WS next October, we put our politics aside, but you better have me a ticket for the game. I’ll buy enough beer for us both to pay you back.

    😉

    • jbiii said

      But if its the Mets, it will be absolutely pure 1986 grudge baseball. You hafta understand that.

    • Redsox are loaded. I’m hoping the Crankies will miss the playoffs this year. More disturbingly I hear that DISH network (my sateliite provider) has a dispute with the As and I may not get to see their games televised.

  4. jbiii said

    That’s a bummer! But I’ll betcha, both of them being “capitalists” they’ll find a way to do business and you can see the A’s.

    And yes, to your earlier comment about the Yanks forgetting the count-down marquee having the makings of a post. Tell ya what I’m gonna do. Every posting on my site, no matter the subject or seriousness, I will included the countdown in parentheses in the title.

    Another post worth considering . . . I have often thought about it. Instead of wars and politics, ya gotta have a team. Damn, we’d a got a tax break, but our shortstop booted that easy two-hopper and let in the winn.ning run.

    I know that leaves me wide-open for laughs from you because Ted Kennedy was a Red Sox fan from Taxachussetts, and John Kerry is still there, uh, nix that idea . . . LOL

    That would be filed under humor, for sure. But, have you noticed, Keith, how often the original 16 AL and NL teams are still regular winners? Except, for . . .

    Well, everybody loves the Cubs anyway. 🙂

    Throw a Q? atcha . . . Whaddya think about the two of us putting together a site for the baseball season–we can co-host it, do our own posts, invite others, keep it clean and all for sure (rule # 1 – no politics! Baseball, or bye-bye), and see what happens?

    We could have James Earl Jones’ little soliloquy from Field of Dreams as our header (“It’s baseball, Ray . . .”) all sorts of cool possibilities, even if it’s just the two of us reading it.

    Heck, just pondering what we should name it (given our politics) is a stitch!

    • The baseball site sounds intriguing, although I am spread thin already between this blog, and another that I post to. Also I would have to find a way to post baseball stuff occasionally to world of keitho.

      Maybe we could have a point/counterpoint: JB, you ignorant slut !

  5. It wasn’t a spectacular game, but I do think that it was better than just good.

    I grew up watching the Super Bowls of the late eighties and the whole nineties where the games were blowouts 80% of the time or more often than even that. So any of the more recent Super Bowls have been very entertaining for me.

    Now the only question is: Will there be a season next year?

    Meehan

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