Cranberry sauce is for the birds
Posted by keithosaunders on November 28, 2015
OK listen up people. Once again it’s up to me to speak truth to power. Yeah that’s right, I’m referring to the corporate behemoth that is Big Thanksgiving.
You might be thinking, this is great, I’ve got 4 days off beginning with a feast at Auntie Gladys.’ You’re wrong. There are 3 football games that you are libel to miss for the sake of eating the most overrated foods known to man. For a bonus you can throw in nonstop humblebragging from family.
Let’s face it folks, turkey is a dry, tasteless bird that when prepared well is passable at best, but the rest of the traditional Thanksgiving meal is a culinary travesty.
I mean, yams? They’re nothing more than a sickly sweet gooey mess. Just because a food is orange doesn’t make it good. I like my vegetables bitter, like my outlook on life.
There’s a reason we don’t eat stuffing year round with chicken: IT TASTES LIKE CARDBOARD THAT’S BEEN RUN OVER BY A BUS.
And cranberry sauce? How about no! Again, don’t ruin my dinner with sweetness. (see the above photo for my Thanksgiving dinner allotment of cranberry sauce)
Which brings me to desert. Pecan pie is OK but I defy anyone to tell me that pumpkin pie is more desirable than chocolate cake . It isn’t – we all know that.
Here I am being force fed cranberry sauce.