The World According to Keitho

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My Christmas Hate Post

Posted by keithosaunders on December 23, 2015

Some people send Christmas cards, I write Christmas hate posts.

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When I was a boy I believed in Santa Clause. Then one day, when I was 9, I found out he wasn’t real. Oh, I thought, the world is based on a lie. Santa did not, in fact, create the earth in 6 days. Global warming is a hoax, 9/11 and the moon landing were staged, and vaccination causes blindness.

Let me tell you something, people, you’re getting all cheery-eyed, and spending willy-nilly, driving in traffic while singing your Burl Ives at the top of your lungs. WELL STOP. Have a holly jolly MY ASS!!

You want to take a trip? You want to take a trip? Oh boy, let’s all go to the airport.  That full cavity search sure goes down smoothly when the TSA agent wears a Santa hat!

And now that you’ve spent 12 hours travelling 200 miles you can have your family gathering. Commence humble-bragging in 3…2…1 GO! Oh look, Uncle Steve went too heavy on the nog and now he’s lecturing us on the gold standard!

The only thing good about the holiday season – THE ONLY THING – is figgy pudding. Where’s my figgy pudding?! Where is it?!

 

Christmaskid

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One Response to “My Christmas Hate Post”

  1. verdun2 said

    People who sing along with Burl Ives should be…wait, can I say that on line?
    v

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