The World According to Keitho

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The quick strike stealth insult

Posted by keithosaunders on May 30, 2016

Yesterday I went for a hike with my ex-wife and a friend of ours that we hadn’t seen in a while.  Shortly after we began the hike I received a text and when I went to check it the friend turned to me, “Oh, are you one of those people that can’t be without their cell phone?  My husband is like that.

Before I had a chance to respond she had already moved on to the next subject – quick as a flash!  If I had wanted to rebut her, i.e. state my case, or at least tell her what a douche she was, I would have had to circle back to the subject of texting which would have made me look like a defensive paranoiac.

So I sat there stewing not saying anything.  I have to admit, however, her hand was well played.  There is no defense against the stealth insult – it’s passive aggressiveness at its finest.  Think about it:  You don’t expect your friend to insult you, so the insult actually takes a few moments to land.  It’s like laying dynamite with a fuse.

In my Walter Mittyesque fantasies I possess a shock ray that automatically emanates from me upon insult, paralyzing its victim’s vocal chords.  I then proceed to list every single World Series going back to 1940, how many games it went, along with a running commentary on the highlights.

Now that’s a pleasant hike.

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