The World According to Keitho

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Archive for February, 2017

The art of the humblebrag

Posted by keithosaunders on February 28, 2017

Last night’s jam session was packed with people.  The establishment was going out of business and somehow this attracted jazz ghouls, suddenly smitten with nostalgia for a place that they were loathe attend during its run.  As a result the session went an hour overtime so that every last singer, sax player, and whistler could be accommodated.

When we finally finished the last “act,” a Danish accordion player who played Baby Elephant Walk in 5/4, I breathed a sigh of relief, and stood up from the piano when all of a sudden an audience member starting yelling, “LET’S HEAR ONE MORE FROM THE BAND!”  Of course the crowd cheered and hooted and the marathon night dragged on for another 15 minutes.

Now I love music as much as the next guy (probably more, since I actually play it for a living) but after having played for two hours straight I was ready for some Netflix.  Enough is enough, people.  If you really liked this club you would have patronized it during its heyday.

But let me tell you something, when a guy screams at the band to play one more song, it’s not about his love of music or his appreciation of the band.  It’s about injecting himself into the conversation.  It’s all about ego.  Look at me – I love these guys, I love music so much, I’m so hip.

The art of the humblebrag.

 

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Fire chicken

Posted by keithosaunders on February 24, 2017

A few days ago I went out to a Japanese ramen restaurant with my ex-wife and son.  I perused the menu looking for an interesting soup, but most of the soups seemed too bland.  Finally I noticed a soup called fire chicken and decided to try it.

When I ordered the soup the waitress asked me, “what level?” I hadn’t noticed levels but when I looked back at the menu, sure enough there were five levels – 2, 4, 6, 8, & 10. (I don’t know what happened to the odd numbers)

I didn’t want to be one of those wimpy Americans with a fear of spicy foods so I opted for a level six.  The waitress looked down at me and with a stern voice informed me, “Most people order level two.”  I downgraded to a 4.

When the soup arrived things did not bode well.  First of all, the broth was an unnatural shade of red; a shade not found in nature.  It was a bright crimson, like the color of Ohio State’s uniforms.

When I tried it my eyes immediately began gushing tears and I coughed as if I had just taken a puff of my first cigarette.  I broke out in dry heaves and my hair fell out in clumps.  But it actually tasted pretty good if you ignored the ancillary effects.

But this begs the question: What is a level 10 and who are the humans that can ingest it?

Image result for fire chicken soup

 

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Get off the phone!

Posted by keithosaunders on February 18, 2017

Last night I played a very enjoyable gig at a trendy new jazz club in San Francisco called The Black Cat.  (There used to be an old Black Cat which existed before my time living here) It’s a basement club with tables packed tightly together filled with 20 and 30-something techies drinking $15 martinis and fancy mixed drinks.

At one point in the gig I looked out into the audience from the stage only to see half of the people buried in their phones.  There was a table with four young women right in front of the bandstand, all of whom were looking at their phones.

Can’t people go five minutes without checking their Instagram?  What’s the point of hanging out with friends if you’re not going to engage?

Is there any wonder we elected a dullard such as Trump?  We are building a nonintellectual, incurious, self-absorbed populace that is vapid and disengaged.  Wake up, people!

Posted in San Francisco | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Ship B Sinkin’

Posted by keithosaunders on February 16, 2017

The subject of my post is, admittedly, wishful thinking, but anytime I have the opportunity to quote the great Knick, Michael J. Richardson, I jump at the chance.

Less than a month into the Trump administration it is in a disarray of epic proportions.  Just perhaps, and I’m going out on a limb here, it might have been best to hire people who had some actual experience working in government.  At any rate, this miserable group of generals and billionaires are by any measure rotten to the core and we, the people, are going to have to batten down the hatches to make it through the next four years.  Is there a class I can take in battening?

With Michael Flynn’s resignation the first domino fell.  He was on the phone with Russia more often than I call my bookie, but I’ve said too much!  There isn’t a chance in hell that he acted on his own but the question is will a public grown accustomed to suckling on the teat of 140 character tweets have the attention span for a Watergate-esque scandal.

Just to be on the safe side I’m brushing up on my Prokofiev sonatas.

trump-putin-puppet

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Good riddance to Super Bowl LI

Posted by keithosaunders on February 6, 2017

Stick a fork in the football season. This was the worst football post season I can ever remember. The Giants laid an egg, the Raiders lost their QB to injury, and every game was lopsided. The Super Bowl was a piece of garbage. Why do they even let any team from Atlanta in that game? You would think, with a 28-3 lead the Falcons would at least run some clock. Would that have been asking too much?!

How fitting, in this era of Trump, that cheaters such as Brady and Belichick are rewarded with accolades and Super Bowl victories. They lucked into it this year by playing the ultimate chump team, and they lucked into it two years ago when Seattle, for some fix-is-in reason, neglected to hand the ball off to Marshawn Lynch FROM THE HALF YARD LINE.

I hate all sports.

 

Image result for super bowl LI

Posted in football, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

Close the damn door!

Posted by keithosaunders on February 2, 2017

I realize that it’s strange and somewhat ungrateful to complain about the cold when I’m living in California, but it’s my blog so clear the field, here I go.  It’s been a rainier and colder winter than normal.  The rain is good as it appears that our drought is all but over, but I’m sick of playing gigs with freezing hands.

It’s true that in the Bay Area we do not get bitter cold, sub-freezing temperatures, but it has been in the 40s consistently since November.  That still counts as cold in my book, especially when most of the clubs and restaurants keep their doors and windows open.  Why do they do this?  They don’t know from vestibules here.

Don’t restaurant owners understand the ‘open’ sign concept?  You hang the ‘open’ sign over the front door and then people know that you’re open.

Let me tell you something, there’s nothing charming about outdoor eating, even when you have heat lamps.  Do you like your food garnished with a sheen of exhaust?  Then outdoor eating is for you!

Even in the summer months it never gets that hot here.  Especially in the summer months!  Close the damn door already.

 

 

Posted in San Francisco, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »