The World According to Keitho

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Posts Tagged ‘Blow-up’

Behind the scenes at Michelangelo Antonioni’s Blow-up

Posted by keithosaunders on September 22, 2015

Big news. The archive of Michelangelo Antonioni directing Blow-up, long thought to have been lost, has been unearthed. Let’s go to the set for a live look-in:

[flashback harp music]

MA: CUT PRINT! THAT’S A WRAP FOR THE DAY. THANK YOU GENTLEMEN I’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. CALL IS 10AM. EVERYBODY GET A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP — WE’LL BE FILMING THE SCENE WHERE HE STARES AT THE PHOTOGRAPH FOR 10 MINUTES AND NOTHING HAPPENS. I WANT EVERYBODY ALERT!

Assistant.Director: But Mikey, babes, it’s only 11AM now, are you sure you want to break for the day? We only shot 30 minutes of film!

MA: YOU DARE QUESTION THE MASTER?! GET YOUR THINGS YOU’RE FIRED. GET ME HERBIE HANCOCK! WHERE’S HERBIE?!

HH: You called, big A?

MA: Yes, do you have the source music I requested for the opening montage?

HH: Yes, I have two measures of a Gsus b9.

MA: PERFECT! WE’ll LOOP IT OVER THE ENTIRE FILM. NOW LET’S DO LUNCH!

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Classic’s corner: A review of Antonioni’s Blow-up

Posted by keithosaunders on September 18, 2015

Image result for blow-up

I watched Michelangelo Antonioni’s Blow-up the other day. What a bloated, over-rated piece of garbage. This movie is 110 minutes long and it contains roughly five minutes of action, and believe me I use the word ‘action’ loosely.

This is it: Hedonistic, misogynistic, proto-Austin Powers photog goes to the park with his camera takes a few photos of a random May-December couple. He goes home, develops pictures, stares at them a long time, blows up the photos and notices a dead body.

THE END.

I’ll never get that hour and 50 minutes back.

Here’s the same film in Keitho-vision.

Dirty old man in raincoat goes to the park hoping to expose himself but while there notices a nude couple having sex. He videos the couple, goes home but on the way is side tracked by zombies and has to behead all of them with his medieval sword.

He arrives home to find his house being looted by meth heads. He takes out his 44 magnum and shoots them. Then he takes meth.

The END

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