The World According to Keitho

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Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Online dating favors the illiterate

Posted by keithosaunders on June 13, 2017

Dating in the internet age is easy, especially if you are young and reasonably good looking.  All you need do is swipe a few times, match with someone who strikes your fancy, and away you go.  In the old days you would have to meet someone, strike up a conversation, and get to know each other before getting up the nerve to go on a date.

I was a short, introverted guy as a teenager and young adult.  I was a jazz musician playing in bars where most people were 10 to 20 years my senior.  I wasn’t in college, consequently I had a hard time meeting women to go out with.

When personal ads became trendy, sometime in the early to mid 80s, I felt that the playing field had somewhat evened out.  Here I could express myself with the written word, alleviating the sometimes painful and awkward step of introducing myself at a bar or party.

Now, with swipe technology, the field has reversed itself.  Once again cosmetics rule the day.  Needless to say, this is bad news for the middle-aged man!

I read an interesting and troubling article in Vanity Fair detailing the current hookup culture prevalent among 20 and 30 somethings.  As a father of a teenage daughter it was disconcerting to say the least.  Some of the men interviewed bragged about sleeping with hundreds of women per year.  For them it’s not a question of if they’re going to hook up, but rather if they feel like it.

It’s horrifying to read about what the women go through.  They are inundated with ‘dick pics’ and what written text they receive does not go far beyond, ‘Can I come over in 20 minutes?’  One man managed to hook up without even typing any words — he sent emojis.

I’ll have more to say about this later.  It’s time to practice the piano.

 

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Not enough work and no play makes me a dull boy

Posted by keithosaunders on June 2, 2017

The past five years I have gigged more than I thought humanly possible.  I’m averaging five gigs a week, but there are weeks in which I work every night, and sometimes I will have doubles, plus the occasional triple. Throw in teaching and sundry other projects and it makes for a full schedule.  Not only that, I have to practice every day.

Last week I had three nights off (not in a row) which was a rarity.  You would think I would relish the free time.  Instead I practiced more, took care of some errands, and moped.

The dating sites I’m on are annoying me.  I never knew that so many women were into scuba diving.  I had my friend photoshop me into a scuba diving outfit but it did not help my traffic so I removed it.

The obsession with height confounds me, especially now that we’re into middle age. Why does height continue to matter so much to women?  You would think that by their 40s they would want more substantial qualities in a man, such as intelligence, to name one. By stating that they’ll only see people over 5’10” women have eliminated thousands of possible good matches.  They’re also increasing the chances of dating someone who is arrogant and feels entitled.  Tall men who are reasonably good looking never had to work that hard to get dates, consequently they never had to hone their humor skills, or even feign intelligence.

On the other hand, height aside, I’m not such a great catch.  I work every night – the last thing I want to do on my night off is go out.  Plus, these aren’t corporate dollars that are coming in over here.  My apartment is a shoe box, and as I mentioned before, I’m moody.

Plus I don’t scuba dive.

scuba 2

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The Tinder follies

Posted by keithosaunders on May 1, 2017

Yes, I admit it.  I’m a man in his 50s who is on Tinder. WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!   I’ve actually been on a couple of Tinder dates, and while they haven’t yet led to a relationship, they were good experiences.

I’ve noticed a similarity in many of the profiles that I view.  In regards to photos, people seem to check off certain boxes.  For instance, I am surprised at how many photos I see of women scuba diving.  Really?  Is scuba diving a thing?  I’m thinking that it must signify wealth and health.  I’m sure it’s not cheap, and you must have to be in some kind of shape to deal with it.

So you have the scuba photos, and these are almost always accompanied by photos in ski gear, as well as beach photos.  Throw in a photo with your pet, and one of you standing in front of some corporate logo at a swanky affair and you’ve got yourself a Tinder profile.

Needless to say I’m not into scuba and skiing and the photos of me sitting behind a piano do not seem to be capturing the imagination of a nation, so I gave a friend who is good with photoshop, an assignment.  Here is his first effort.  I expect that my social calendar will soon be filled to the brim.

 

scuba keith

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Just another night at the office

Posted by keithosaunders on December 7, 2016

There are so many louts at our gigs that it’s hard not to go all Stockhomy and start liking them.  When your office is a dive bar expectations had better be low or you could go crazy from frustration and aggravation.

At last night’s gig there was ultra loud couple sitting in the booth right across from the band. This guy must have been the funniest thing since Sid Caesar because every ten seconds there would be an ear-piercing cackle from his date. He had this nasal voice that could penetrate the loudest decibel, like a knife slashing through butter. We could have been Led Zeppelin and you would have heard this guy.

Needless to say they stayed the entire night. After the gig I noticed they were making out in the booth so I decided to give them a taste of their own medicine. “GET A ROOM,” I screamed. Then I approached them: “How do you like it when I intrude on your business?”

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The dating pool

Posted by keithosaunders on November 22, 2016

Well folks, I’m recently single.  Again.  I had a girlfriend for four years, but, as fate would have it, we broke up.  Now I’m out here in the wild and let me tell you something, it’s rough.

First of all I’m old as fuck – 56.  This is a weird age.  People 10 years younger look a lot younger and people 10 years older look a lot older.  Over half of the people are married and another quarter of them are in committed relationships.  That leaves 25%.

Then you have to account for the fact that although society has evolved throughout the years in many ways, women will not, for the most part, date men that are shorter than them.  I can’t tell you how many profiles I’ve seen that specify, I’m 5’8, please be taller than me.

But here’s the thing:  I could understand if you would want someone to be the exact same height as you so that when you make love you can kiss easily.  But taller, shorter, what’s the difference?!  You’re going to be askew either way.  Love making takes some finagling – that’s the fun of it!

Think about it:  Tall guys have an exponentially greater dating pool to choose from.  They can date short women, yet short guys can’t date tall women.  On the other hand, tall women must have a smaller dating pool.  But who cares, I’m not a woman.

So forget income inequality, the real travesty is dating inequality!

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