The World According to Keitho

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Posts Tagged ‘Donald Trump’

President wanted: No prior experience necessary.

Posted by keithosaunders on May 21, 2017

When I was a kid and encountered an alpha-dog, as an introvert I suffered largely in silence.  I took comfort in the rationalization was that after high school these dullards would end up in dead-end jobs and would almost certainly become alcoholics, wife-beaters,  or felons.

And there you have the most irritating part of the Trump phenomenon.  This brainless oaf who never got his come-comeuppance, and was in fact rewarded for his loutish ways. Personally I yearn to see Trump having to resign in disgrace, even though I realize this means that Mike Pence, someone whose politics are just as bad, if not worse than Trump’s, will ascend to the presidency.

The 2016 election actually confirmed one of the tenets of the American dream –  anyone can become president.  Allow me to rephrase that:  Anyone with money can become president.

As we now know, there are no necessary qualifications for the job of United States president.  You don’t have to have been a politician, a lawyer, a military officer.  There is no need to possess a thorough knowledge of history, science, civics, or economics.  I could be president, even though my greatest life-skill is knowing what to play over a C7+9+5 chord.

If only I had enough money…

Posted in Politics, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Leave the Maggots alone, only Congress can save us now.

Posted by keithosaunders on May 16, 2017

Yesterday the Washington Post broke the story that Donald Trump may have inadvertently leaked classified information to the Russians.  This prompted immediate calls from my left wing brethren for impeachment.

Many people are still upset at the heartland folks who comprise Trump’s base, but I believe that they are now irrelevant.  The MAGA (Make America Great Again) folks are no longer the problem.  Sure, they did their part to get Fucko elected, but they no longer have any power.  Indeed with the absence of affordable health care and job opportunities, they are screwed under the Trump administration’s legislation.

It’s now up to the Republican Congressmen to impeach Trump. They are the only ones that can fix this mess.  Not the press, not protesters, and not the Democratic minority.  I don’t hold out much hope.

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Bait and switch

Posted by keithosaunders on May 10, 2017

What else is there to say?  Damning testimony from Sally Yates reveals that Donald Trump was advised by Barack Obama not to hire Michael Flynn for NSA?  That’s OK,  just change the conversation by firing James Comey.  The administration is saying that Comey was fired over his handling of Hillary Clinton’s emails but that’s such a bald face lie I’m surprised that NPR reporters can keep a straight face while delivering the news.

The thing that confounds me is how difficult it is to discern whether the Trump people are really this incompetent, or if this all misdirection.  And does it even matter?  It appears that whatever was done to pave the way for these oligarchs was done long ago behind closed doors.  Was it Putin, the Heritage Foundation,  or a third party that we haven’t even heard of?  It hardly matters.  We’re in it now.

Posted in Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The Normalization

Posted by keithosaunders on May 4, 2017

This would be good horror movie title if we weren’t already living it.

THE NORMALIZATION!

One of the most confounding things about the Trump presidency is that a man who is uneducated and unqualified for his job is being taken seriously.

For instance, NPR news anchors thoroughly analyze Trump’s tweets, as if they are substantive, instead of the the knee-jerk rantings of an unstable personality.

Here’s Trump on Sirius radio in full-on historian mode:

I mean had Andrew Jackson been a little later you wouldn’t have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person but he had a big heart. He was really angry that he saw what was happening with regard to the Civil War, he said “There’s no reason for this.” People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why? People don’t ask that question, but why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?

It’s unclear as to whether or not Trump knew that Jackson had died before the start of the war, but my money is on no.

The next day he took to Twitter to clarify:

President Andrew Jackson, who died 16 years before the Civil War started, saw it coming and was angry. Would never have let it happen!

From his mouth to God’s ears.

Now let’s go to the pundits for some crack analysis.  NPR.com wrote,

This much is true: Andrew Jackson, who was president from 1829-1837, helped to avert a plausible civil war, generations before the actual one. In the 1830’s, South Carolina insisted on its right to nullify, or ignore, federal law. The South Carolinians objected to taxes — federal tariffs on the imported goods they were buying from Europe.

Jackson insisted that federal law reigned supreme. Through a carefully calibrated mixture of threats (a warship actually appeared in the harbor at Charleston, ready to open fire if need be) and compromises…

Yadda, yadda, yadda…

Yes, this is good knowledge, and I enjoy reading history as much as the next guy, but let’s be real here – Trump was not trying to delve into a deep historical discussion.  He’s like a guy at a bar dogmatically asserting facts that have no basis in reality.

I wish I were a pundit.  If somebody asked me what I thought Trump meant by ‘the Civil War being avoided if Andrew Jackson had been president,’ pundit Keitho would have responded, Trump is a moron.

 

Image result for goofy trump photo

Posted in Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The first 100 days fetish

Posted by keithosaunders on April 29, 2017

The media, as well as social media, is all atwitter (if you’ll pardon the expression) over the first 100 days of the Trump presidency.  All of a sudden this artificial benchmark of success has taken the nation by storm, dominating the news cycle.  I counted no less than four first 100 days of presidency articles in today’s Times.

Can I say something?  WHO CARES!  Look, we know this presidency is an abomination – a tumor on an already reeling American body – but we don’t need a random number of days to tell us this.  We could have made this assessment on the 20th day, or even the 7th, if we weren’t so in love with a number that divides by 10.

And while I’m at it, how magical is the number 100?  There is seemingly nothing that it can’t do.  It can determine when a pitcher runs out of gas, as well as if a presidency is a success or failure.  I wonder if it can also core a apple?

 

What, me, worry?

Image result for goofy trump photo

 

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A terrible week for the NY Times

Posted by keithosaunders on April 24, 2017

What a terrible week last week was for the NY Times. First they had a article about how being a part of the Trump administration is helping Ivanka’s brand. You might say, that’s hard hitting news, uncovering a fresh scandal. You would be wrong. It’s simply the Times being the Times, fawning and deferring to the lifestyles of the rich and famous.

Now check out last Thursday’s juicy headline:

“Obama’s silence to end, but he won’t criticize Trump.”

What’s he going to talk about, rainbows & unicorns? Who the hell cares what he has to say when his replacement is one tweet away from starting WWIII?!

And finally, on Friday,, the Gray Lady went deep with a 4,000 word article about why James Comey investigated Hillary’s emails, while not releasing to the public the information that he was simultaneously investigating the Russian hacking. Not only was the article dull as dishwater, but it wasn’t news. That’s 10 minutes of work on my fantasy baseball team that I’ll never get back.

Thanks, Times, keep twisting the knife. I’ll be over here listening to Wynton Kelly.

Posted in Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Looking after my brand

Posted by keithosaunders on April 14, 2017

Much to my dismay the United airlines story has been bumped from the news due to the latest flurry of Trump douchery.   I was hoping for at least a three day run of think pieces, threatened lawsuits, and irate comments.

But no.

I began wondering what I would have done in the same situation and this little fantasy ensued:

Picture me flat on my back being dragged down the airplane aisle towards the exit by jackbooted thug cops.  My forehead gushes blood and I am nearly hysterical.  YET…I notice all of the puke-faced millennials recording me on their smart phones and I have the presence of mind to call out, “www.keithosaunders.coooooommmmmm!   Do A GOOGLE SEARCH FOR THE WORLD ACCORDING TO KEITTTTTHHHHHO…LEAVE A COMMENNNNNNTTTTTT…”

 

 

 

Posted in life | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Burned by daylight savings time

Posted by keithosaunders on March 12, 2017

It’s not fair to be a musician with a Sunday brunch gig on the first day of daylight savings time.  After a late Saturday gig you are robbed of a precious hour of sleep before waking up at what is really 7:30 to play for Sunday brunch.  The humanity!

One of my first steady gigs back when I first moved to New York, 30 + years ago, was at a boxcar diner with an upright piano crammed into one side called, The Empire Diner.  It was a four hour gig – from 11pm-3am – and it paid thirty dollars plus a meal.  (Eventually it went up to thirty-five)

A couple of times I played the late set on New Years eve which was from 2am-6am.  It paid double scale!  After those nights I felt so prosperous  that I would spring for a cab ride home – from 10th Ave & 22nd st all the way to the Upper West Side on Broadway and 109th st.

Us late show pianists actually caught a break during the change from standard time to DST.  At 2:00am , when the clocks  jumped ahead to 3:00, we would say, “Welp, time to clock out!”

Conversely, in the fall, when the clocks moved back an hour, the place expected us to play for an extra hour.  I would try to sub that night out, or conveniently forget about the time change.

Enjoy the extra light, everyone, we have made it through the dark days of winter.  Now if we can only make it through the dark days of the Trump administration.

 

Image result for empire diner

 

Posted in jazz, New York City, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Get off the phone!

Posted by keithosaunders on February 18, 2017

Last night I played a very enjoyable gig at a trendy new jazz club in San Francisco called The Black Cat.  (There used to be an old Black Cat which existed before my time living here) It’s a basement club with tables packed tightly together filled with 20 and 30-something techies drinking $15 martinis and fancy mixed drinks.

At one point in the gig I looked out into the audience from the stage only to see half of the people buried in their phones.  There was a table with four young women right in front of the bandstand, all of whom were looking at their phones.

Can’t people go five minutes without checking their Instagram?  What’s the point of hanging out with friends if you’re not going to engage?

Is there any wonder we elected a dullard such as Trump?  We are building a nonintellectual, incurious, self-absorbed populace that is vapid and disengaged.  Wake up, people!

Posted in San Francisco | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Ship B Sinkin’

Posted by keithosaunders on February 16, 2017

The subject of my post is, admittedly, wishful thinking, but anytime I have the opportunity to quote the great Knick, Michael J. Richardson, I jump at the chance.

Less than a month into the Trump administration it is in a disarray of epic proportions.  Just perhaps, and I’m going out on a limb here, it might have been best to hire people who had some actual experience working in government.  At any rate, this miserable group of generals and billionaires are by any measure rotten to the core and we, the people, are going to have to batten down the hatches to make it through the next four years.  Is there a class I can take in battening?

With Michael Flynn’s resignation the first domino fell.  He was on the phone with Russia more often than I call my bookie, but I’ve said too much!  There isn’t a chance in hell that he acted on his own but the question is will a public grown accustomed to suckling on the teat of 140 character tweets have the attention span for a Watergate-esque scandal.

Just to be on the safe side I’m brushing up on my Prokofiev sonatas.

trump-putin-puppet

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