The World According to Keitho

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Posts Tagged ‘millennials’

Fry it up

Posted by keithosaunders on September 16, 2017

I have noticed that nearly every person under 40 speaks with vocal fry – an affectation akin to a scratchy throat.  It’s millennial code for I am cool.

Vocal fry annoys me to no end, especially when I’m listening to the radio and the host seemingly does not have the ability to speak like a normal human being.  I have to wonder what is on the mind of the station’s management. Can’t they detect the fry, and if so, aren’t they bothered by it?  Walter Cronkite didn’t use vocal fry.  I’m wondering if vocal fry is so prevalent that it is next to impossible to find a decent radio voice.

The case in point is this Saturday NPR show called Invisibilia, whose troika of hostesses sound as if they were awoken at four in the morning after having undergone a tonsillectomy.  Suffice it to say that it is unlistenable, as is 90% of NPR’s weekend programming.  At least Keillor is gone.

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The jackbooted thugs of United Airlines

Posted by keithosaunders on April 10, 2017

You would think that by now that the frustration and degradation levels of airline travel would have peaked and nothing they could do would be able to repel is any further.

Wrong.

Today United Airlines, because they were overbooked, forcibly ejected a paying customer, bloodying his head in the process.  This was to make room for a United employee.  The man, a doctor, refused to relinquish his seat so the crew called in a policeman who dragged him off the flight.

There was video of the ejection (Of course:  Puke-faced millennials video everything) and the story has blown up on Twitter, eliciting a boycott United movement.

But here’s the thing:  United isn’t doing anything that any other American-based airline would do.  In the aftermath of the September 11th, 2001 attacks flying has systematically become more and more of an ordeal in which passengers are considered criminals until proven otherwise.

I am here to say that it isn’t United that we should be boycotting, but the entire airline industry.  Unless you have to fly somewhere on business, you know what?  Stay home.

If you live on one of the coasts and want to take a vacation then get in your car and drive to a beach town or some nearby mountains.  There are a myriad of good vacation spots within driving distance.  If you’re in the middle of the country I’m sure there are plenty of places you can get to.  You’ll save money and your dignity.

You’re probably going to tell me that you have to take the kids to see grandma.   I say have grandma come to you.  That way the airlines get only get one fare instead of four or five.  Here’s an idea:  Have grandma move closer to her grand kids.

Enough is enough.

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September weekend

Posted by keithosaunders on September 26, 2016

It’s late September and we’re well into the Bay Area’s yearly Indian Summer.  The days have been hot and sunny while the evenings are cool (ish) and fog-free.

The weekend’s gigs were a mixed bag – mostly good.  On Thursday I received a last minute call for a late Friday night (10:30-1:30) gig at a new jazz club in San Francisco.  At 9:30 PM Friday I boarded the gig mobile (Mazda minivan) and the weekend’s festivities were underway.

I arrived to find a nice looking restaurant/bar with a downstairs jazz club.  It was intimate, with a small stage and exposed brick walls.  The only trouble was that it was packed with puke-faced millennials who were more interested in their phones and their fancy mixed drinks than the music.

Worse than that, the band didn’t gel, due mostly to a weak bass player who played way too loud, as well as on top of the beat, making it impossible to find a pocket.  The result was that I overplayed and soon fell into a funk.

During the break the awkward moments kept coming.  It was one of those crowded clubs with nowhere to stand or sit.  The band had dispersed and there was no one to talk to.  I  didn’t feel like drinking – I already sounded bad enough – so I just stood around looking like the mamaluke of the year until it was time to reconnoiter upstairs for dinner.

The restaurant served us some nouveau cuisine – I had thought that these small portioned, tricked out presentations had gone out with the 80s.  Was this old-veau cuisine?

During dinner the bass player chatted me up, probing for my life story.  She managed to discover that the reason I had moved to the Bay Area from New York City was because my wife (now ex) had recieved a job offer.  “I guess that your musician’s salary wasn’t going to make it,” she opined. Needless to say this comment went over like a turd in the punchbowl.  I shot her the Keitho ray and she responded she responded sheepishly with, “Sorry if I touched a nerve.”

The dinner was mercifully short owing as much to our schedule as the minisscule portions. Then it was announced that this young pianist from Minnesota was going to sit in for a couple tunes along with a bass player.  (a good one this time) The piano player was great and he proceeded to cut me.

By now I was thoroughly dusgusted with the entire situation.  When it was my turn to resume playing I was fired up enough to find my good stuff and I played well the rest of the evening. (I’m a good mad player.)  In the end I was kind of glad that the other piano player (who turned out to be a nice guy) gave me a goosing.

The gig went overtime, of course, and I stumbled out of there around 2am. The rest of the weekend’s gigs went much better but this post is already too long.  On to this week’s gigs!

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PC oranges

Posted by keithosaunders on March 9, 2016

 

Someone on my Facebook feed posted an article decrying downfall of society as a result of pre-packaged peeled oranges at Whole Food. I would counter that articles like this, which contain headlines that tell us how to think and feel, are what’s wrong with society.

I love how in the middle of the story the writer does a u-turn, talking about the backlash against Nathalie Gordon, the anti peeled-oranges activist: But some people are now pointing their anger at Gordon rather than at Whole foods, arguing that the pre-peeled oranges were helpful to the elderly and people with disabilities. From the looks of it, just as many people are ticked off about Whole Foods pulling the peeled oranges from store shelves as there were people who were ticked off about them being there in the first place.

BAM. A perfectly, but rarely executed, 180 degree PC turnaround!  I didn’t see that one coming.

oranges

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