Keitho’s dating theory

Folks, let’s face it, dating is excruciating, particularly the symphony of awkwardness that is the first date.  The amount of exposition that a middle-aged man who has been married and with kids has to supply is daunting.  Then there is the small talk.  I’m not good at small talk which, for me, tends to emerge as stilted and contrived.  To top everything off there is the sexual tension.  Should I kiss her, and if so, should I be even bolder?  It’s all too much!

I’m here to tell you that sex, if practiced safely,  should not be that big of a deal.  It’s  great fun, good for the ego, and it burns carbs!  Why should one have to, for all intents and purposes, sign a pre-nup in order to partake in this most pleasurable of activities?

In fact, sex is a hell of a lot more enjoyable than the actual date.  Why not skip the date and begin the relationship with sex?   You’ll know right away if the relationship has a shot.  If you are incompatible in the bedroom the chances are you will not make a good couple.  If the sex isn’t that good you can say goodbye knowing that you’ve saved yourself the time, expense and tension of a date.

On the other hand, if you have a great roll in the hay, think how mush easier the small talk will flow.  Conversation always comes easier after sex.   You can make small talk until the cows come home.  Then you go on a date.

The Tinder follies

Yes, I admit it.  I’m a man in his 50s who is on Tinder. WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!   I’ve actually been on a couple of Tinder dates, and while they haven’t yet led to a relationship, they were good experiences.

I’ve noticed a similarity in many of the profiles that I view.  In regards to photos, people seem to check off certain boxes.  For instance, I am surprised at how many photos I see of women scuba diving.  Really?  Is scuba diving a thing?  I’m thinking that it must signify wealth and health.  I’m sure it’s not cheap, and you must have to be in some kind of shape to deal with it.

So you have the scuba photos, and these are almost always accompanied by photos in ski gear, as well as beach photos.  Throw in a photo with your pet, and one of you standing in front of some corporate logo at a swanky affair and you’ve got yourself a Tinder profile.

Needless to say I’m not into scuba and skiing and the photos of me sitting behind a piano do not seem to be capturing the imagination of a nation, so I gave a friend who is good with photoshop, an assignment.  Here is his first effort.  I expect that my social calendar will soon be filled to the brim.

 

The dating pool

Well folks, I’m recently single.  Again.  I had a girlfriend for four years, but, as fate would have it, we broke up.  Now I’m out here in the wild and let me tell you something, it’s rough.

First of all I’m old as fuck – 56.  This is a weird age.  People 10 years younger look a lot younger and people 10 years older look a lot older.  Over half of the people are married and another quarter of them are in committed relationships.  That leaves 25%.

Then you have to account for the fact that although society has evolved throughout the years in many ways, women will not, for the most part, date men that are shorter than them.  I can’t tell you how many profiles I’ve seen that specify, I’m 5’8, please be taller than me.

But here’s the thing:  I could understand if you would want someone to be the exact same height as you so that when you make love you can kiss easily.  But taller, shorter, what’s the difference?!  You’re going to be askew either way.  Love making takes some finagling – that’s the fun of it!

Think about it:  Tall guys have an exponentially greater dating pool to choose from.  They can date short women, yet short guys can’t date tall women.  On the other hand, tall women must have a smaller dating pool.  But who cares, I’m not a woman.

So forget income inequality, the real travesty is dating inequality!