The World According to Keitho

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Posts Tagged ‘Santa’

My Christmas Hate Post

Posted by keithosaunders on December 23, 2015

Some people send Christmas cards, I write Christmas hate posts.

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When I was a boy I believed in Santa Clause. Then one day, when I was 9, I found out he wasn’t real. Oh, I thought, the world is based on a lie. Santa did not, in fact, create the earth in 6 days. Global warming is a hoax, 9/11 and the moon landing were staged, and vaccination causes blindness.

Let me tell you something, people, you’re getting all cheery-eyed, and spending willy-nilly, driving in traffic while singing your Burl Ives at the top of your lungs. WELL STOP. Have a holly jolly MY ASS!!

You want to take a trip? You want to take a trip? Oh boy, let’s all go to the airport.  That full cavity search sure goes down smoothly when the TSA agent wears a Santa hat!

And now that you’ve spent 12 hours travelling 200 miles you can have your family gathering. Commence humble-bragging in 3…2…1 GO! Oh look, Uncle Steve went too heavy on the nog and now he’s lecturing us on the gold standard!

The only thing good about the holiday season – THE ONLY THING – is figgy pudding. Where’s my figgy pudding?! Where is it?!

 

Christmaskid

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The war on the war on Christmas

Posted by keithosaunders on November 9, 2015

Starbucks

This is unbelievable.  People are up in arms because Starbucks came out with Christmas coffee cups without pictures of snowflakes or Santa.  REALLY?  The cups have the prerequisite red and green coloring.  What more do you need, baby Jesus drinking an egg nog latte?!  To tell you the truth I’m more offended that these cups get trotted out in early November. We haven’t even had our lousy Thanksgiving meal with all the overrated trimmings that go along with it. (There’s a reason we don’t eat stuffing and cranberry sauce year round)

I am not offended by the Christmas season and all the imagery and hooplah that comes along with it.  I likes me a Little Christmas Carol, Clydesdales tromping around a New England snowscape, and Norelco commercial with Santa riding the razor like a sled.  It’s good clean fun!  What I don’t need is pre-Halloween or Thanksgiving capitalistic Christmas hype.  And by the way, if we’re at War with Christmas then the months from January through October should be called The Christmas Armistice.  (tm)

norelco2

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