The World According to Keitho

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The Normalization

Posted by keithosaunders on May 4, 2017

This would be good horror movie title if we weren’t already living it.

THE NORMALIZATION!

One of the most confounding things about the Trump presidency is that a man who is uneducated and unqualified for his job is being taken seriously.

For instance, NPR news anchors thoroughly analyze Trump’s tweets, as if they are substantive, instead of the the knee-jerk rantings of an unstable personality.

Here’s Trump on Sirius radio in full-on historian mode:

I mean had Andrew Jackson been a little later you wouldn’t have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person but he had a big heart. He was really angry that he saw what was happening with regard to the Civil War, he said “There’s no reason for this.” People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why? People don’t ask that question, but why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?

It’s unclear as to whether or not Trump knew that Jackson had died before the start of the war, but my money is on no.

The next day he took to Twitter to clarify:

President Andrew Jackson, who died 16 years before the Civil War started, saw it coming and was angry. Would never have let it happen!

From his mouth to God’s ears.

Now let’s go to the pundits for some crack analysis.  NPR.com wrote,

This much is true: Andrew Jackson, who was president from 1829-1837, helped to avert a plausible civil war, generations before the actual one. In the 1830’s, South Carolina insisted on its right to nullify, or ignore, federal law. The South Carolinians objected to taxes — federal tariffs on the imported goods they were buying from Europe.

Jackson insisted that federal law reigned supreme. Through a carefully calibrated mixture of threats (a warship actually appeared in the harbor at Charleston, ready to open fire if need be) and compromises…

Yadda, yadda, yadda…

Yes, this is good knowledge, and I enjoy reading history as much as the next guy, but let’s be real here – Trump was not trying to delve into a deep historical discussion.  He’s like a guy at a bar dogmatically asserting facts that have no basis in reality.

I wish I were a pundit.  If somebody asked me what I thought Trump meant by ‘the Civil War being avoided if Andrew Jackson had been president,’ pundit Keitho would have responded, Trump is a moron.

 

Image result for goofy trump photo

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The first 100 days fetish

Posted by keithosaunders on April 29, 2017

The media, as well as social media, is all atwitter (if you’ll pardon the expression) over the first 100 days of the Trump presidency.  All of a sudden this artificial benchmark of success has taken the nation by storm, dominating the news cycle.  I counted no less than four first 100 days of presidency articles in today’s Times.

Can I say something?  WHO CARES!  Look, we know this presidency is an abomination – a tumor on an already reeling American body – but we don’t need a random number of days to tell us this.  We could have made this assessment on the 20th day, or even the 7th, if we weren’t so in love with a number that divides by 10.

And while I’m at it, how magical is the number 100?  There is seemingly nothing that it can’t do.  It can determine when a pitcher runs out of gas, as well as if a presidency is a success or failure.  I wonder if it can also core a apple?

 

What, me, worry?

Image result for goofy trump photo

 

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The jackbooted thugs of United Airlines

Posted by keithosaunders on April 10, 2017

You would think that by now that the frustration and degradation levels of airline travel would have peaked and nothing they could do would be able to repel is any further.

Wrong.

Today United Airlines, because they were overbooked, forcibly ejected a paying customer, bloodying his head in the process.  This was to make room for a United employee.  The man, a doctor, refused to relinquish his seat so the crew called in a policeman who dragged him off the flight.

There was video of the ejection (Of course:  Puke-faced millennials video everything) and the story has blown up on Twitter, eliciting a boycott United movement.

But here’s the thing:  United isn’t doing anything that any other American-based airline would do.  In the aftermath of the September 11th, 2001 attacks flying has systematically become more and more of an ordeal in which passengers are considered criminals until proven otherwise.

I am here to say that it isn’t United that we should be boycotting, but the entire airline industry.  Unless you have to fly somewhere on business, you know what?  Stay home.

If you live on one of the coasts and want to take a vacation then get in your car and drive to a beach town or some nearby mountains.  There are a myriad of good vacation spots within driving distance.  If you’re in the middle of the country I’m sure there are plenty of places you can get to.  You’ll save money and your dignity.

You’re probably going to tell me that you have to take the kids to see grandma.   I say have grandma come to you.  That way the airlines get only get one fare instead of four or five.  Here’s an idea:  Have grandma move closer to her grand kids.

Enough is enough.

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Ship B Sinkin’

Posted by keithosaunders on February 16, 2017

The subject of my post is, admittedly, wishful thinking, but anytime I have the opportunity to quote the great Knick, Michael J. Richardson, I jump at the chance.

Less than a month into the Trump administration it is in a disarray of epic proportions.  Just perhaps, and I’m going out on a limb here, it might have been best to hire people who had some actual experience working in government.  At any rate, this miserable group of generals and billionaires are by any measure rotten to the core and we, the people, are going to have to batten down the hatches to make it through the next four years.  Is there a class I can take in battening?

With Michael Flynn’s resignation the first domino fell.  He was on the phone with Russia more often than I call my bookie, but I’ve said too much!  There isn’t a chance in hell that he acted on his own but the question is will a public grown accustomed to suckling on the teat of 140 character tweets have the attention span for a Watergate-esque scandal.

Just to be on the safe side I’m brushing up on my Prokofiev sonatas.

trump-putin-puppet

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2016: The worst meme ever

Posted by keithosaunders on December 28, 2016

The latest sickening internet trend is the conceit that a random grouping of 365 days is a sentient being.  This is especially true on Twitter where people are trying to one up each other for the whiniest tweet.  Here’s an example:

So so sad to hear about the death of Carrie Fisher. 2016 has taught us one hell of a lesson.. don’t take anyone for granted! Hurry up 2017!!

I guarantee you I can pick any year and find just as many celebrities that died. Here is a list of notable deaths in 1955:

Albert Einstein, James Agee, James Dean, and most tragically, Shemp Howard of the Three Stooges.

Charlie Parker died in 1955. Bam. 1955 is exponentially worse than 2016.

Again, it’s all about the humblebrag. RIPing  Prince, Carrie Fisher, or ________________________ makes you seem like a sensitive individual, but the effect is to draw attention towards yourself and away from the deceased.

There is nothing new about the  gratuitous social media RIP, but this year came with a new wrinkle:  The anthropomorphism of 2016.  As if a year is a sentient being and that somehow 2017 will be more benevolent.

If I might offer a suggestion, try a different calendar. Why not go by the Chinese calendar? Or give the Jewish calendar a shot. Or the Mayan. It couldn’t hurt.

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The clown car has arrived

Posted by keithosaunders on July 21, 2016

The Republican convention, which will conclude tonight with a speech by the potential OOTUS (Orangutan of the United States) has not disappointed.  Outside Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena you have cops and media outnumbering protesters by an impressive margin, but inside the Arena is where the real crazy people are.

On Monday night Melania Trump gave a speech and we awoke Tuesday morning to the news that large chunks of it had been plagiarized from Michelle Obama’s 2008 convention speech.  The media erupted in a swarm of indignation and outrage, but can I say something?  Who cares!  So she pilfered a few lines from the first lady.  Here’s a news flash:  It’s not a rare thing for potential first ladies to speak about family values or their husbands leadership ability.

What irks me the most about this [non] scandal is you can just picture some smarmy millennial on his iphone googling away until he uncovered the ‘scandal of the century.’  I guaranteed you this kind of thing has happened before but nobody cared.

Now we all owe a debt of gratitude to Lyin’ Ted Cruz for making our Wednesday night entertainment-packed.  Cruz’s speech, in which he failed to endorse Donald Trump, while delivering the opening salvo of his 2020 campaign, was like the high school kid getting his revenge on the school bully.  My hat is off to him.  He provided the image of the convention:  The Trump family standing in shocked disbelief, frowning and scowling.

I can’t wait for tonight.

 

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Humble-bragging: The musician’s best friend

Posted by keithosaunders on January 19, 2016

I can’t stand a humble-bragger.  As a musician, my Facebook feed is filled to the brim with humble-bragging.  I can’t turn around without reading, “I was humbled to have played with [insert great musician’s name here].”  No, in fact you are not humble, you are a blowhard.

The worst is when someone famous dies.  An internet R.I.P. is the humblebragger’s catnip. If an H.B. has anything remotely to do with a recently deceased celebrity he’ll have a post up before the cadaver has cooled.  The idea of eulogizing someone on social media whom you have never met is repugnant enough, but to use it as an excuse for self aggrandizement is pathetic.

I’m sure the H.B. is not germane to the music business.  The internet is built on the backs of porn and humble-bragging.  The next time someone famous dies check your social media feed.  I’ll guarantee you will uncover some bragging thinly disguised as a eulogy.

R.I.P. tact.

Posted in jazz, life, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The smarm offensive

Posted by keithosaunders on September 5, 2015

Thanks to the proliferation of social media as well as blogs such as this one, we live in a smarm society, one where mean-spirited sarcasm is used for political gain.  Nowhere is this more evident than in the web magazine, Salon. Nary a headline is posted that fails to tell me which opinion is right and which is wrong.

Here are some examples:

Donald Trump humiliates himself on conservative radio. 

No, Christians you’re not being persecuted, and Kim Davis is not a martyr.

The media’s breathless email scandal reaches new nadir.

At this point I’ll disclose that I am as liberal as they come, yet this kind of didactic, mean spirited, snarky reporting is as offensive to me as Fox news.  How are liberal publications any different then reactionary rags such as the New York Post? I would expect more from them, but what it boils down to is they attempt to be as sensationalistic as possible in order to garner readers.

Here is a particularly smug photo caption that someone posted on my Facebook feed.

I agree with most everything the caption says yet I had a viscerally negative reaction to this smug propaganda. What does Occupy Democrats hope to gain by this?  If I was a left leaning Republican this cloying, self-aggrandizing ad would almost certainly not sway me to vote Democrat. On the contrary it might inspire to urinate on Occupy Democrat headquarters.

To sum up:  Dems we’ve had a good run and things are marginally better than they were in the first eight years of the 21st century.  Now shut the fuck up!

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